How can it already be September?
Is it really September 5th? It feels like it’s too soon to actually be September, but it is. Here in Malmö the weather, at least until the sunset, still feels like summer. But when you look up at the sky, the blue isn’t as intense as it was just a few weeks ago and the clouds look like autumn clouds.
Time flies…
So it’s been nine months since I lost my mom, and her loss still feels pretty fresh for me. The only difference is that I’ve been learning to deal with it. Grief counseling has helped so much. So has setting boundaries.
I’ve been very open about what I dealt with in the months between finding out my mother’s cancer had returned and her demise.
Not everyone appreciates it.
And you know what?
So fucking what. I own what happened to me.
NOT them.
I know my experience. And I am overcoming it. It’s taken a while but I also know that sending any anger and resentment down the river is what’s best for me.
And if they don’t like it?
I don’t care.
What I have done
I took some steps to get me to a good place. It really took a while to get there.
So what did I do?
- Block phone numbers and social media of toxic people
- Stay focused on journaling
- Remind myself every single day that I don’t need the acceptance of toxic people
- Remember my mom’s last words to me when we could still have private conversations
- Go on the trip my mom and I planned, even if my mom can’t be with me – at least it feels like she is beside me
So what’s next?
(Photo credit: Dmitry Devidovich/Shutterstock)
I’m moving on, doing things my way. I just had a phone call with my mom’s brother and his wife. They reminded me to stay focused on what was good for me and the Swede. They said it was what my mom would want. And they’re right.
If I think of one of the last private conversations I had with my mom before she was no longer lucid, she told me she wanted the Swede and me to be happy, to focus on our life together and to NOT let negative forces affect us.
So that’s what we’re going to do.
Keep moving forward.
Let the negative particles do their own crazy BS.
We will stay focused on the two of *us*.
